talkville

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 14:30:43 GMT

China threatens 'nuclear option' of dollar sales (Telegraph)--Chinese invest in U.S. torture futures.

Iraqis suffer as Maliki government paralyzed (AFP)--Got Maliki?

Bush: Good intelligence necessary in pursuit of terrorist leaders (AP)--Too bad he doesn't have any.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 15:43:14 GMT

Gingrich says war on terror 'phony' (Atlanta Journal)--The phony speaks the truth.

China tells living Buddhas to obtain permission before they reincarnate (TimesOnline)--Otherwise tanks will roll over monks in Nirvana Square.

Bush Gets Firsthand Look at Minneapolis Bridge (AP)--Bridge over troubled W.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 14:57:59 GMT

New Al Qaeda Web Ad Threatens 'Big Surprise' (CBS)--Shocking revelation: Cheney used ventriloquism to speak through Bush's polyps.

Number of Americans moving to Canada At 30-Year High Record (CBS)--Just wait 'till they need coyotes to help them cross the border into Mexico.

Minister in Skirt Charged with Indecent Exposure (WGAL)--Praise the Lewd and pass the mascara.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 16:49:50 GMT

Murdoch Buys Dow Jones for $5 billion (AP)--"Tiananmen Rupe," the Manchurian Potentate, and his Great Wall Street Journal.

Cheney: Gonzales has been truthful in testimony before Congress (CBS)--Deceiving is believing.

U.S. Supreme Court Judge Roberts Tells Bush He's OK After Seizure (AP)--Too bad the country isn't better after its seizure by these guys.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 15:15:46 GMT

US fears that Brown wants Iraq pull-out (Times)--Something we've waited a long time to say: "BROWNIE, YOU'RE DOING A HECK OF A JOB, OLD CHAP!"

Foreign Workers Abused at Embassy, Panel Told (Wash Post)--The Green Zoning of America.

New Heart Monitor Battery for Cheney (NYT)--Buy Chinese.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 17:19:39 GMT

Bloomberg: America is in a dire state (ABC News)--Why not call it what it really is? A failed state run by sectarian extremists, robber barons, a kangaroo Supreme Court, and an army of private mercenaries.

Astronauts drank before launch (AP)--A three marstooni launch.

Boy's Lemonade Stand Robbed (gbg.com)--Hostile takeover bid by Coca-Cola.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 13:32:11 GMT

Gonzales Denies Improper Pressure on Ashcroft (NYT)--Claims he just took his blood pressure. Tells the committee: "If you don't believe me, read my polyps."

Pelosi memoir to debut in 2008 (AP)--Title: "How I Sat on the Fence and Kept Impeachment off the Table."

President Links Qaeda of Iraq to Qaeda of 9/11 (NYT)--And Bush is linked to "The Pet Scapegoat."

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 17:33:55 GMT

Pentagon Takes Cue From Madison Avenue (WashPost)--Where's the Body Armor?

Blair on first trip to Mideast as envoy (AP)--Peace in our time!

Tiny dog saves baby from rattlesnake (AP)--Deconstructed message in baby bottle: American people must save Congress from rattlesnake in the White House.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 17:24:21 GMT

Chief Justice Is Reinstated in Pakistan (NYT)--Even Pakistan's Supreme Court refuses to be politicized by its dictator. Shame shame shame on the Bandana Republic of the U.S.

Bush Is Prepared to Veto Bill to Expand Child Insurance (NYT)--Suffer little children. Too bad they don't have any assets that Bush can seize under his latest unpublicized anti-terror executive order that mandates confiscation of all the property and money of anyone who opposes him.

One of world's oldest chimps dies at 60 (AP)--How come the smirking one is 61 and still strutting around in his monkey codpiece? Must be because of all the milk he sucks out of Cheney's pacemaker.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 15:33:41 GMT

How Murdoch had a hotline to PM in the run-up to Iraq War (Independent)--Power to the Poodle! Now we see that Blair was Murdoch's Pekinese, too.

Online spoiler: New Potter Book May Have Made Its Way to Web (NYT)--Leak traced to Vatican hackers.

New Death Plot Chills UK relations with Putin (Times Online)--So when Bush looked into Putin's eyes and soul, that's what he recognized. A kindred killer. Except Bush can only cut brush while Putin's a blackbelt.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 17:02:48 GMT

Terror Threat against U.S. Said Serious (AP)--Beware the Ides of Presidential Directive 51 in which Bush anoints himself "The Insurer" of Constitutional Government. Elections? Who needs stinkin' elections?

15 foot shark seen 20 feet from Massachusetts shore (Patriot Ledger)--Wearing turban and beard and driving a Mercedes.

Cheney pushes Bush to act on Iran (Guardian)--Latest threat to planet: Global Cheneying.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 15:40:10 GMT

Maliki says Iraqi Forces able to secure country (NYT)--Maybe he can curb sectarian strife in the U.S., too.

U.S. Congress Examines Tourism Drop (AP)--New tourism campaign envisioned:"Visit the land of friendly snake-handlers, and have your sentence personally commuted by the Decider-in-Chief! Packages start from $1,299 and up!"

Bush Denies Congress Access to Aides (NYT)--They can have all the AIDs they want, however.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 18:13:37 GMT

China to Make 'Artificial Weather' (Asia Times)--Just open your mouth when it rains and the drizzle of toothpaste will clean your teeth and floss your body.

Rice: Wait 'Til Fall for Iraq Decision (AP)--It's Shoe Surge time again!

World's new seven wonders chosen (Times Online)--They forgot to include the Green Zone with its fabled Hanging Hangars.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 13:49:34 GMT

Ex-Surgeon General Says Administration Interfered Politically (NYT)--Now smoking two packs a day.

Tony Blair 'talked to God over Iraq' (Daily News)--Tony's God is Bush's God's poodle.

U.S. concerns over China weapons in Iraq (FT.com)--U.S. arms dealers want to corner the insurgency market, too.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 19:04:27 GMT

U.S. Aborted Raid on Qaeda Chiefs in Pakistan in '05: Plan Deemed Too Risky (NYT)--Much too embarassing. Would have forced Bush to commute al-Zawhri's sentence.

Iraqi Foreign Minister Warns Against U.S. Withdrawal (NYT)--"If you leave, I will move to Syria."

ADT Special: How to Get Bush out of Office TODAY!!! (AdT)--Have the Nobel Committee award him the Peace Prize for bringing peace to the Mideast if he promises to step down.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 15:32:00 GMT

Chinese Youth Killed By Cell Phone Battery Blast (qna)--Reverse the charges.

Girl who can give birth to her sister (Times)--But can she give birth to Bush and put him up for adoption by a family of snake-handlers?

Biden: Bush 'is brain dead' (NYT)--His soul is clueless too.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 14:52:33 GMT

U.S. celebrates 4th of July (AP)--What a country! They traded in King George III for King George the Turd.

Bush Commutes Libby's Prison Sentence (NYT)--Adolf the Merciful!

Kidnapped BBC reporter freed in Gaza (AP)--Hamas' leader Haniya after Johnston freed: "No one is above the law." Scooter Libby agrees, so does "I was just following orders" Bush.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 17:47:21 GMT

Secret Document: U.S. Fears Terror 'Spectacular' Planned (ABC)--Reality Blockbusters coming to a scream near you.

Fred Thompson's lobbyist sons benefited from father's influence (NYT)--Like lobbyist father, like lobbyist father's lobbyist sons.

Obama: Bush Impeachment is not acceptable (Wash Post)--The same goes for voting for you.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 15:43:40 GMT

Doctors back plan to store medical info under your skin (AFP)--Only if the AMA is prepared to insert a psychiatrist as a suppository up The Delusioner's rear-end. The American people will be happy to thrown in the couch.

Russia lays claim to the North Pole - and all its gas, oil, and diamonds (Daily Mail)--No problema. We are the Viking descendants of Rurik of Novgorod who founded Russia in the 9th century. We lay claim to everything.

Thousands line up to buy Apple iPhones (AP)--Don't forget to call your Congressperson and remind them to evict the al-Qaeda terrorists who are squatting in the White House.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 17:34:04 GMT

Files on Illegal Spying Show C.I.A. Skeletons from Cold War (NYT)--Using the truth as disinfo: SEE, WE'RE NOT THAT BAD TODAY COMPARED TO YESTERDAY. Hit the Beard then, waterboard now.

White House, Cheney's office, subpoenaed (AP)--But they don't belong to any branch of government.

Mideast mediators appoint Blair as envoy (AP)--Blessed is the peacemaker with a track record.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 15:38:54 GMT

The Reconquest: Should Yale have to return its Machu Picchu artifacts? And who in Peru would actually benefit if it does? (NYT Sunday Mag cover)--

AdT's "The Ethicist" Q & A:

a) Yes, because it belongs to them.

b) Only Skull & Bones knows for sure.

BBC captive in 'bomb vest' video (BBC)--AdT has another "Cosa Nostradamus" moment:

Who benefits most from fomenting strife in Palestine? Israel via its secret service Mossad. That would implicate the UK and MI-6.

Blair will be named Middle East envoy by the "Quartet" this week. AdT bets 100 to one: Blair goes to West Bank, BBC captive journalist gets released. Hurrah, Blair! What a hero! The feral beast loves him again!

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 16:16:14 GMT

Cheney keeps his secrets (CBS)--AdT Scoop Reveals: He is the father of his gay daughter's baby, his grandson Nosferatu Jr.

Airline Apologizes for Sewage on Plane (AP)-- Air Force One explains that it leaked from Bush's waterbed.

Polish PM: We'd have more power in EU if Germans hadn't 'reduced our population' in World War II (thisislondon)--The Teletubby Pedophile speaks.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 18:53:15 GMT

China vows to improve food safety (AP)--But you'll have to take an Alka-Seltzer the size of the Great Wall.

Crystal meth use in US 2X higher than thought (AFP)--Bush twins believed to be responsible.

Nissan working on $3000 car for India (AP)--Model to feature mangos in the air bags.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 17:00:09 GMT

China rocked by slave scandal: 1000 kids in brick jail (Xinhua)--The Maotessori method.

Blair: media is feral beast obsessed with impact (Guardian)--Blair a futile pest.

Lieberman Repeats Calls For Military Action In Iran (AP)--He's even willing to drop the N-bomb on the Sabbath.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 19:23:13 GMT

Report: Putin not ruling out 2012 presidential run (Reuters)--'Run' refers to his opponents. As fast as they can.

Bush get respite in Albania, Where Thousands Hail Him (NYT)--They thought he was the albino assassin from "The Da Vinci Code."

Judge orders man not to have girlfriend for three years (AP)--Boyfriend is O.K.